Worst day of my life June 19, 2016...Seeing things get better in 2017

So today is Jan 13, 2017....yes Friday the 13th even.... I have not posted anything here in almost two years.  I think my last post was April 2015...Man how things have changed.....

I have traveled and presented at several conference all over the USA since I posted last in 2015.  I have even been to Alaska and Australia. I completed all kinds of races.  My relationship with Snowman grew stronger and stronger. He has stood by me and literally had to hold me up at times since that horrible day in June, 2016...The worst day of my life.

June 19, 2016, I was out riding my motorcycle with Snowman.  When we stop to get some refreshments, I checked my cell phone for messages.  I noticed I had missed a couple of calls.  One of the calls was from my sons father asking me to call him ASAP.  He never calls me and leaves that kind of message so I was concerned and called him back.  That was when he told me that we had lost my youngest son Alexander.  I then called Alex's wife and she confirmed the news.  He was 25 years old.  He had only been married for 6 months and his son was not even two years old at the time. His death is the hardest thing I have ever day to deal with...and I have had a lot of shit go on in my life.

The last time I saw Alex was a week or so before.  He had stopped by the condo to pick up some paperwork he had there.  It was late as he had just gotten out of work.  I woke up startled as i felt someone was in the house. I think I must of let out a blood curdling scream when I saw a dark figure in my hallway outside my bed room.  He said "Ma, Ma it is OK it is just me....."  I remember yelling at him and calling him a "turkey butt".  I told him to call me, the next time so he did not scare the crap out of me again!  We both laughed.  The night before he died I had spoken to him on the phone.

I do not really remember too much details of the next couple of days.  I remember a police officer coming to get me to take me home as I could not drive my motorcycle.  I remember talking to my mother in the back of the police car and telling her Alex was gone.  To this moment, I remember the police officer voice when he came back to confirm the news that my son had died and that I could not go to him.

I remember my family coming over, Angela and Robi-Ann and my niece Kristina. I remember my friends Sue, Rob, and Kara being there that afternoon.  I remember a couple of "angles" comforting me when I was on the floor of my garage.  I still have no idea who they were, but two women came into my garage and asked to pray for and over me.  I know they were real and were there cause Snowman and some of my friends were there at that time and they told me yes they were there. At Alex's services there were over 300 people who came to pay their respects.  I was so amazed and touched and honored.  I remember being surrounded by them all and those that could not physically be with me that day reach out in many ways....THANK YOU ALL!

I already  had planned a mini vacation to go to my nieces wedding in AL in July. When I returned from her wedding I made the decision I needed to go back to work.  It was about two and half weeks since Alex's death.  I look back now and wish I had taken more time to recover/heal before going back to work.  But the people I work with were extremely gracious and supportive.  If I was having a day where I was not able to handle being there I could leave and go home.  Some days are good and some are bad...but recently the bad ones are becoming less frequent.

It took me a couple of weeks to be able to even think about a run. And a couple of months before it become a "routine" again.  The first few runs were so hard as they seem to open up the flood gates of so much emotion.  I could barely run at all cause I could not breath.  Every breath seemed to cause pain to just shoot thru my body.  I would call out to God and ask him why and scream at the top of my lungs on the trail in the woods and beg Him to please make this all a bad dream and just let me wake up.

My Coach Luis helped me train for the 2017 Disney Dopey Challenge.  Which I completed last weekend.

It is 48.6 miles of running over 4 days at Disney World.  This was the second year I did this challenge.  I had a goal of completing all 48.6 miles and a goal of having a better marathon time then my four other 26.2 distance races (4. Dopey in 2016 7+ hours, 3. run portion of IMFL2013 6:34 (ish) 2. Disney Marathon 2010 6:45 and my first marathon in 2008 6:02).  I had not run for two weeks prior to the Dopey as work was crazy and I was moving into the new apartment and going back and forth between the new and old places.

My 5k, 10k and Half was all an average runs for me. Time near my average for the last year...  I ran the 13.1 the afternoon before in the rain cause the official race was cancelled that morning due to thunder and lightening..Coach told me to skip doing the 13.1 in the rain and I agreed with him on Saturday Morning but by afternoon I had to go out and do the miles.  I made commitment and a promise to do all 48.6 miles!

Marathon Morning 2017..it was 30 degrees out with a wind chill of 22  YES IN DISNEY WORLD, in FLORIDA....we were in the corrals for over an hour trying to stay warm before the race started.  I was averaging my pace as I thought I would in mile 1 and 2, mile three included a 10 minute porta potty break...I know but when you have to go you have to go!, mile 4 and 5 were good, mile six was tough thoughts of Alex came flooding in and I could not seem to catch my breath, 7-10 were back on track and mile 11 I hit the wall.  I would run for a minute or two and then have to walk for a few.  Mile 23 I realized if I started to run a little more I may be able to have a time between my two best marathon races.  I knew getting a PR was not realistic but if I could do better then my IMFL time, I would be ok with that..I finished in 6:24.  I cried all they way from the finish line thru the medal line and until I got to the photo line. Cause we we all know Kellie has to have a good Photo OP!

It has been almost 7 months since Alex died.  My oldest son, Craig and his wife Emily and their boys have moved home and they have started new jobs.  They bought a house here and I have moved into the in-law apartment.  Now I have all three of my grandsons near by.  Craig's kids downstairs in the main house and Alex's son just across town... I am one happy Grammie!!!!

I know that Alex would never want me or any of us to stop living cause he is no longer with us.  I am sure that he would want all of us to continue being who we are and living our lives.

Alexander, Ma loves and Misses you so much...Until we see each other again in Heaven....

 "Hugs and Kisses and Safe Choices".....